1. Justin Finch-Fletchley will secretly burn down Hogwarts. Draco will be blamed, because "nobody suspects the Hufflepuff!"
2. Snape is currently hiding in Animagus form, a la Peter Pettigrew. What Animagus form, you may ask? Why, Squidward, of course! Evidence: big noses, bad attitudes, vague slashy tendencies. Draco is disguised as Plankton. Dumbledore actually faked his own death and is hiding out as Spongebob. And Voldemort is, of course, keeping an eye on him disguised as Gary.
3. Everyone, even Buckbeak, is a transvestite. Some are open about it (Tonks, Remus, Hermione, Voldemort) and some are deep in the closet (Snape).
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